Yay, independence!

July 2nd, 2009

What’s not to love about a 4-day weekend?  That’s right: nothing.

Rob would kill me if he knew I was announcing to the internets that we are headed to the Jersey Shore, but we are.  And I just announced it, so please don’t tell him I told you.  For any criminals out there, I will remind you that we have very watchful neighbors, an alarm system, and not much of particular value in the home besides two obese cats and my rapidly-growing yarn stash, so check yourself before you wreck yourself.

I think I’ll amuse myself with a meme for the day, but first: an update.  I have started taking the Zoloft (Z, if you will) and am still probably experiencing withdrawal from the Lexies (er, Lexapro).  This means that I basically act like a woman with some extreme PMS going on.  I am no longer constantly weeping, but I do still cry at the drop of a hat - and not always out of sadness - and I’m ridiculously irritable.  For instance, Rob - who does not like nuts - went out of his way to buy and chop walnuts for me to put on a salad that he made us for dinner, without me asking.  This turned on the waterworks because I thought it was just the sweetest nicest thing ever (I still think it is sweet and nice, but sob-worthy?  Probably not).  Then, two hours later, I bit his head off for not turning down the TV volume during commercials.

Speaking of, that annoys the CRAP out of me.  Why are the commercials so much louder than the regular programming?  I hate it!  You know what else I hate?  Idiots who stand there waiting for an elevator without pushing the button.  I mean, it’s one thing if they just don’t press hard enough - but I have WATCHED people (who are about 10 steps ahead of me on my walk to the elevator bank) walk straight by the button and then stand there and wait.  Are they just so lazy that they figure someone else will come along and push it for them?  Or are they just fucking morons?

(See: Irritability.)

Also, I have decided that I hate the word “pamper”.  And that it looks funny.

Hrm.

In other news, I got new glasses.  I love them as much as I am capable of loving a pair of glasses.  The part that goes over my ear (the “temple”, if you will) is pink.  You can see them (and me making a weird smile) here.

While you’re clicking over to things on Flickr, you can also see the tiny pants I made for a friend’s unborn baby and a picture of me at age 6 or 7 with my sister and my cousins.   I basically look like a Seventh-Day Adventist or some such religion that disallows girls from wearing pants or cutting their hair, while every other kid in the picture is wearing jeans.  Have I told y’all about how I refused to wear anything but dresses and skirts until I was 10?  Yup.   All the other kids would be on the playground in shorts and t-shirts and tennis shoes, and then there I’d be in my Polly Flinders dresses and mary janes.   So prissy!

Anyway, let’s do a meme, okay?  I’m stealing this from Monkey and Stef.

What is your current obsession?
Knitting.  And also these chairs that I want that are really expensive.  Actually, it’s more the fabric that I want to use to upholster the chairs.  I should post a picture.


What is your weirdest obsession?

Hmm.  The knitting obsession is getting a bit weird.

What are you wearing today?

Black pants and a paisley-ish top that I got from Ann Taylor Loft, plus my black patent leather birkenstocks.  I laugh in the face of my company’s dress code.  (Okay, fine, I have a pair of pumps under my desk.)

What’s for dinner?

I have no clue.  We’ll probably go out somewhere.  I grilled a turkey kielbasa last night and made mac & cheese (from a box), so it’s not my turn to cook.

What would you eat for your last meal?

A homemade grilled cheeseburger, sweet potato fries, and a lot of vanilla and mint chocolate chip ice cream.

What’s the last thing you bought?

Hmm.  I’ve been on a shopping rampage, but if we’re being technically accurate here, the answer is 1/2 a BBLT sandwich and tomato soup at Corner Bakery.  Before that, new razorblades and hair clippy thing.  Before THAT, some glorious yarn.


What are you listening to right now?

The air conditioner.

What do you think of the person who tagged you?

Nobody tagged me, but I stole this from Stefanie and Monkey and I adore both of them.

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

Gosh, I don’t know.  Close to my family and all of my friends.


If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

To my sister’s house to play with my niece and nephew, although it would break my heart to leave them.  So, maybe instead I’d like to be at a wine bar with my friend Alice.  This might actually happen in 20 minutes when my office closes for the holiday weekend.

Which language do you want to learn?

I don’t want to learn a language - I want to already know it.  Spanish.  it’s the most useful, I think.

What is your favorite colour?

It really depends on the item for me.  I’ve been into green lately, and blue - but I really love good ol’ girly pink.  In fact, my friend Erin is pregnant with a girl.  Erin has an aversion to pink, but she told me recently that she decided I’m going to have to be her wee one’s “pink fairy godmother”.  I like that.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?

I really love the first sweater I made for myself. Even though it is big and kind of makes me look pregnant.

What is your dream job?

Movie-soundtrack-song-picker, XPN DJ, novelist, travel writer, restaurant reviewer, book reviewer, nail polish color-namer.

What’s your favourite magazine?
Man, I don’t know anymore.  I’m with Monkey on Mental Floss - that’s a great one!  I used to love Blender, but either it has started sucking or I have gotten older and lamer.   The Food Network makes a good one and I’m enjoying the Better Homes & Gardens that my mom subscribed me to despite the fact that I think that immediately ages me a good 20 years.

If you had £100 now, what would you spend it on?
Oh, the possibilities are endless.  But let’s be honest: yarn and wine.  Or just yarn.

Describe your personal style?
Um…lazy?

What are you going to do after this?

Go home!  My office is closing early.

What are your favourite films?

Office Space
What’s your favourite fruit?
I love almost all fruits, minus bananas.  If i had to pick just one: blueberries.

What inspires you?

Others.

Do you collect anything?
Floaty pens.

Your favourite animal?

I dont’ think it’s fair to make me pick just one.

What are you currently reading?
Hunger, by Michael Grant.  It’s the sequel to Gone.  These are YA books.  I loved Gone, but Hunger is not as good.  And it’s gross, too.

Go to your book shelf, take down the first book with a red spine you see, turn to page 26 and type out the first line:

I’m at work, so this is impossible.

By what criteria do you judge a person?

How nice (or not) they are.  And whether they wear white shoes after Labor Day.

What skill would you like to acquire immediately?

I have been saying this for years: I really would like to have go-go-gadget-arms.

Happy 4th of July, everyone.

Love

June 26th, 2009

You guys are so kind.  Thank you for all of your comments yesterday.  As an update: I did go to work today, and only cried once, and started on the Zoloft, which I have begun referring to as “Z”, which sounds a bit like “V” from True Blood in my mind but certainly doesn’t have the same effect as that did on the folks down in…whereversville, Louisiana.  But still.  Z!

I have also engaged in some retail therapy today.  I purchased two lipsticks and two nail polishes at Walgreen’s this morning, a wedding shower gift for the fabulous Teenie Baneenie, and four (FOUR!) knitting books at 40% off at KnitPicks.  I would normally be concerned about Rob balking at so many debits from our account in one day, but if I tell him it kept me from crying, methinks he will understand.

Want to hear what else makes me happy?  Charity knitting.  Through Ravelry, I became internet-friends with a wonderful woman named Knittah who has organized something called The Botswana Project.  That link goes to all her related Botswana posts, which include pictures, including my (awesome if I say so myself) contributions - mine are the green and pink sweaters.  Here’s the general gist, though: Knittah’s doctor works at the hospital at UPenn, which has partnered with an AIDS clinic in Botswana.  Did you know that pregnant women with AIDS can be treated so that their children are not born with AIDS?  That’s pretty fantastic, but the sad thing is that these children often become orphans due to their parents’ disease.  Did you also know that it gets cold in Botswana this time of year, and that most people there don’t have heat and therefore could really benefit by warm, handknitted items?  They can.  And, thanks to Knittah and her doctor, they do.  Knittah’s doctor and other doctors from UPenn accept donations, then carry them down to Botswana themselves and distribute them at the orphanage down there.  It is a wonderful, wonderful cause and I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I think of the warmth my fuzzy creations give to a bunch of strangers.  If you’re interested in contributing to the next batch (due September 19th), let me know and I will get you in touch with Knittah - or you can email her yourself.

With that, I’m off to desperately make a few more phone calls in a sad attempt to meet my daily goal (ugh!) before heading out for what promises to be a nice weekend with Rob and friends.

Much, much love and gratitude to you all.

Good times.

June 25th, 2009

Well, kids, it looks like the first topics for discussion from yesterday’s list are the 5K and The Crazy (#3), because those are the most relevant to my life today.  

First: I did run the 5K and it did not rain.  The 5K organizers, however, lied when they said the course was “flat” - or perhaps they don’t consider a hill a hill?  I finished without walking (except for about 20 seconds, during which I drained my cup of water mid-way through), but that small triumph was tainted by the fact that this was a smaller-scale race and there weren’t many people behind me.  Plus, while I was running, someone stole my race t-shirt, which I had stowed away with my water bottle.   On the bright side, I was able to meet up with my friend from my knitting group, who also did the race, and we both gave thumbs up to the post-race taco platter and margarita.

HOWEVER.

All of this was overshadowed by The Crazy.  

I’m actually writing this from home today because I was so desperate for a mental health day that I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it through the day without crying at my desk or in an otherwise inappropriate setting.  I know y’all are probably tired of hearing me ramble about depression, but people, it SUCKS.

Over the course of the past couple months, my doctor/therapist has been reducing my anti-depressant dose.  At first, the goal was to switch me off my current drug (Lexapro) and onto another (Zoloft), the purpose being that Lexapro has a long half-life and some fairly severe withdrawal effects, and since Rob and I are talking about starting a family, it’s important to keep those things in mind.  (Lexapro is also a relatively newer drug and there is less information about its effects on pregnancy than there is about other drugs.)  Because of Lexapro’s withdrawal effects, it’s important to reduce your dose down to a certain level before switching to another, instead of just stopping one and starting the other right away.  So, I started reducing my dosage by 2.5 milligrams each week, with medical supervision.  

The amazing thing was that I managed to reduce my dose from 20 milligrams to 10 milligrams before I noticed any negative effect.  In fact, I felt better at 10 milligrams than I had in a long time.  This led to discussions and theories that perhaps I was taking too much medication and blah blah blah.  And life was good.  Life was GREAT.  My doctor and I started talking about changing the plan: instead of switching to Zoloft, maybe I’d just stop taking medication altogether, which is really the ideal thing for potential-pregnancy purposes.  (Please note: I am still on the fence on whether I’m “ready” for kids, and I’m still not actively trying but we also aren’t actively preventing either, so don’t get any ideas of me becoming pregnancy-obsessed or anything.)  

The reduction to 7.5 was a little bumpy, but the reduction to 5?  HORRIBLE.  I started losing my cool a lot.  And crying a lot.  And getting pissy a lot.  

I told my doctor in our next session, and she suggested we continue soldiering on, with me trying alternative methods (taking fish oil, which is supposed to help; exercising every day for at least 30 minutes, even if just going on a walk; getting good sleep; etc etc).  I reluctantly agreed to try - but she did write me a prescription for Zoloft so I could fill it at any time.

Well, after last night, I think it’s time to give up on this medication-free existence and fill that Zoloft scrip.  I fought tears when someone stole my crappy race-t-shirt.  I didn’t even really want that shirt because it’s made of special athletic wicking fancypants fabric and I prefer cotton because who wants to sleep in wicking fancypants fabric?  I fought tears when I figured out how long it was going to take me to take the train back to Center City.  I fought tears ON THE TRAIN when I thought about how slow I was and when I caught a glimpse of myself in the window reflection and thought I looked horrible (despite the fact that I imagine everyone looks like a troll after running 3+ miles, regardless of how slow they run) and fat and troll-ish.  I cried when I got home and Chester was happy to see me.  I cried when Rob was sweet to me.  I cried for at least an hour on the couch just because I couldn’t stop.  I cried when I got up this morning.   I am crying as I type this now.  It is uncontrollable and awful and irrational.  It is also surreal: my life is GOOD.  I am,  in general, happier than I have been in the last few years.  And yet I cannot stop crying.

Needless to say, Rob is picking up my Zoloft after work today and is bringing it home to me.  And I am headed offline and out onto my couch, where I will knit cute tiny pants for a friend’s baby and find something to watch on TV that will take me out of my own head.  And hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow.

Gee, aren’t you glad I started blogging again so that you could read this whiney diatribe?  (Don’t answer that.)

The trouble with blog-slacking…

June 24th, 2009

…is that the thought of going through the catching-up process is so daunting that it then causes me to slack even more.

SO.  Um, hi!  How are ya?

In an effort to combat future slackage, the purpose of today’s post is to list all of the things that I have to write about.  I will then choose one item to discuss each day instead of attempting to cram them all into one post at the same time.

Sound good?  Good.  Here are the things I have to discuss:

(1) Knitting.  Lo, how my obsession has grown.  Not only have I been knitting sweaters (sweaters!  Like, for me!), I have been doing some charity knitting (I must tell you about the Botswana Project!) and I have created a knitting group that meets at my favorite bar once a week.  It is lovely.

(2) My hair.  I am in an experimentation phase and it is not pretty.  Also: my roots are showing.

(3) The fun of playing with my anti-depressant prescription.  Whoo-boy, it has been fun.  An illustration of this is the fact that I actually cried when I missed my train yesterday.   Good times!

(4) My career.  Except I shouldn’t write about this because my blog is on my Ravelry profile and my boss is on Ravelry and has seen it.

(5) My legs.  And the fact that, anytime I write or say the word “legs”, I imagine William (Miller?) in the movie Can’t Hardly Wait yelling, “I can’t feel my legs!” when he’s drunk at the party.  If you haven’t seen that movie, you are welcome to borrow my VHS copy of it (but only if you return it).

(6) The fact that I am supposedly doing a 5K tonight after work and it is supposed to rain and I don’t know how die-hard of an exerciser I plan on being.  Am I insane for considering sticking with it?

(7) Our new couch and the chairs that I want to buy if I can swallow their ridiculous price.

(8) The weather.

(9) Um…I think that’s it.  If there is anything else you’d like me to touch on, let me know.

In other news, for those of you who have to show up at work dressed in something office-appropriate, Talbot’s is having a giant sale.  I don’t care if it makes me unfashionable or conservative to admit this, but I love their work clothes.  Usually when I browse the virtual sale racks, I like to throw anything and everything that I like into my “cart” and then pare it down afterward.  There is so much stuff that I like this time, I actually got an error message informing me that I cannot buy more than 30 items at Talbot’s in one single transaction.  Please note that I will not actually be purchasing all 30 items.  I have $200 in gift cards leftover from Christmas.  My total for the 30 items was $1900.  Clearly I need to do some paring.

On that note, I am off to make the remainder of my required calls before hopping a train to the suburbs for a rainy 5K.

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