Archive for the ‘Haiku’ Category

Sweet Valley Highku: Playing with Fire (Book 3)

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

(My collection does not include Book 2, which is why I skipped it).

For witty and detailed synopsis and cover art, see here.

Playing with Fire

This book is pretty
Much about Elizabeth
Worrying because

Jessica makes out
A lot with Bruce Patman and
Liz doesn’t want Jess

To “get hurt”.  Did you
Know that, in Sweet Valley, that’s
Synonymous with

“Get laid”?  It is.  SO.
Jess smooches Bruce lots.    Bruce is
A controlling ass,

Which causes Jess to
Lose her je ne sais quoi and
Worry Liz to tears.

Also, there is some
Other crap plot line about
This band, the Droids, but

It is too dumb to
Repeat.   AND, we’re introduced
To new character,

Robin, who is fat.
The talk of Robin’s fatness
Abounds and how it

Basically makes her
A loser nerd that no one
Wants to hang with.  Yay,

Sweet Valley High!  You
Do wonders for girls’ body
Image!  Rock on, yo.

Introducing Sweet Valley High-ku!

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

I have been, quite possibly, the world’s most neglectful blogger lately.   It seems that I’m easily distracted these days.  What gives?  I dunno.  However, I have decided to stay late at work tonight for the sole purpose of getting something published here on the bliggity-blog because I know if I wait until I get home, I’ll be distracted once again and it just won’t happen. 

I’m pleased to announce that I have read my first of oh-so-very-many Sweet Valley High novels – which was actually THE first Sweet Valley High novel.  I still haven’t managed to fix the photo feature over here at RRW, so I will refer you instead over to the-hilariously-awesome-site-that-beat-me-to-the-SVH-punch, where you can read a funny recap of the book and also see, if you scroll down a bit, the cover.    I’ve been racking my brain on how to talk about these books without copying from The Dairi Burger, and the only thing I can think of is to use my favorite poetic medium, the haiku.    So, here goes.

Sweet Valley High, Book 1: Double Love

It’s no wonder that
I had unrealistic views
Of the world after

Reading this bullshit
Series so avidly.  Jess
Is a bitch; Liz is

A doormat.  The Sweet
Valleyans are moronic
Gossips.  Jessica

Tries to steal Liz’s
Crush.  Liz cries a lot.  Jess jumps
Into a Porsche with

A cheeseball wanna-
Be date rapist who takes her
To a bar (gasp!).  Cop

Takes her home.  She lets
The cop believe she’s Eliz.
Much gossip ensues.

The whole school believes
This BS; not one soul stops
To think, hey, maybe

We’re gossiping ’bout
The wrong twin!  MORONS.  Jess goes
To the dance with Todd,

Liz’s crush.  Dances
Sexily.  Liz goes with a
Dork, because she’s nice

That way.  Side stories
Abound, but they are even
More dull than the main

One.  Cheesy dude Rick
“Talked the way he drove – fast and
Dangerously.”  He

Also nicknames Jess
“Heaven.”  Is anyone else
Here suppressing the

Urge to vomit?  Jess
Claims Todd wouldn’t keep his hands
Off her.  Liz: repulsed.

Rick tries to kidnap
The girls and take them to the
Evil bar.  Todd saves

The day.  Liz and Todd
Realize Jess’s lies.  They kiss.
Liz is in love.  Dumb,

Melodramatic
Language abounds.  Oh, did I
Mention Liz irons

Her jeans?  She does.  And
She gets the school to once more
Confuse the twins with

Each other so that
Jessica gets thrown in the
Pool.  The End.  (And I

Will never get those
Two hours of my life back.)
Francine Pascal sucks.

I hope you enjoyed
This foray down Memory
Lane.  Dare I read more?

I know you want to hear about vacation, but instead, you’re getting a book review.

Monday, March 16th, 2009

Hi guys!   I am back from vacation and positively overwhelmed by the thought of filling everyone in on everything and whatnot.  So, until I muster up the energy, I will simply say that it was lovely.  Divine, actually.  I did NOT fulfill my dream of seeing an anteater in the wild, but all the monkeys and macaws and iguanas and butterflies made up for it.  As did the fruity freezy drinks.  Much fun was had, I must say.

In the meantime, I owe you guys a book review.  I hope my friends at HarperCollins don’t stone me for taking so long to do this one since I probably read the book a month ago (and have read several since), and I also hope you don’t hold my delay in reviewing it against the book itself.  The book is The Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a Life Through the Pages of a Lost Journal, by Lily Koppel.

The concept is fantastic.  The author is a journalist with the New York Times who finds a dumpster full of old trunks outside her apartment building one day and finds herself compelled to dive on in and rummage through for goodies.  Along with some awesome vintage clothing, she finds an old 5-year diary that is written by a teenage girl from the years of 1929 to 1934.  Lily manages to open the lock, reads the diary, and manages to find the book’s original owner, a woman named Florence Wolfson (who is now retired, widowed, and living in South Florida.  The two form a friendship, flesh out the stories, and this book is born.

In many ways, I adored this book.   To begin with, I really adored the concept.  It reminded me of an unlikely friendship that I had for a while myself, when I befriended an older woman who sat next to me on a flight home from Dublin that made us both miss our connecting flight in Newark, causing us to spend the night in a random hotel in Newark on the airline’s dime.  My friend, whose name was Virginia, had never traveled alone before and was only doing so because the airline had offered free tickets to one passenger in exchange for getting bumped from an earlier flight to the flight I was on, and she boldly decided to send her husband home on his own so she could get free tickets for her son.  We got rooms next to each other, had dinner together, evacuated for a fire alarm together, and took the next morning’s flight home together, and in that time she regaled me with stories of her life’s adventures.  We stayed in touch through letters for many years, and although we’ve lost touch now, that glimpse that she gave me is something that I still treasure.

So, I suppose it was pretty much set in stone that I would love Florence and Lily’s friendship in a near-and-dear-to-my-heart sort of way.  I LOVED reading about Florence’s life and about that time period in Manhattan.  Florence is fantastic, which certainly helps.  She’s adventurous and rebellious and defiant and brilliant.

Still, I wanted to love this book even more.  I don’t know if it moved too slowly or if the format was a little off or what, but something was missing.  Still, it’s hard to pronounce The Red Leather Diary as anything but intriguing.

What have you all been reading while I’ve been away, hmmm?

Back from hiatus: Haikuednesday!

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

It Didn’t Take Us Long to Figure This Out

You know what’s more fun
Than Wii Bowling? Strip Wii
Bowling. Heh heh heh.

I Kind of Want to Barf When I Think of the Germs Involved in This

With certain SEPTA
Train tickets, the conductor
Punches holes in them

To keep people from
Re-using. This morn, I watched
A woman LICK HER

FINGERTIP and use
It to pick up all of the
Discarded holes. EW.

Sigh.

I am SO READY
To have a whole week off work!
Just three days away…

Stupid Anatomy

Is anyone else
Still watching that dumb show? It’s
Gone so far downhill!

Denny’s ghost? Really??
Oy. Still, I probably won’t
Quit watching it. Why?

Thoughts After Lunch

Turkey sandwich, you
Were so tasty. Tryptophan
Makes me need nap, though.

Fickle

Sometimes I adore
My co-worker. Other times,
I’m annoyed like hell.