There is not much worse than putting one’s foot in one’s mouth. To wit: this morning, I was talking on the phone to a friend and said, “Dude, you have no idea how close I came to calling out ‘sick of work’ today, but I couldn’t come up with a good enough lie, so here I am.” Because I am a genius, my office door was opened when I said that and my back was turned, so that I was looking away from the door.
My co-worker informed me that he could hear me all the way across the office, and that my boss was 2 feet away from my door when I said that, and that she turned around and walked back to her own office after overhearing me.
Why, Universe? WHY?
This is about as bad as that time when my law school professor overheard me telling people I was skipping class because I “just can’t take another of Professor X’s lectures today”.
In other news of the insane, I made my own hair gel last night. You know what? My first attempt was a bust, but my second attempt turned out pretty darn good! I’m not 100% thrilled with the result, but so far I definitely like my hair with the homemade gel in it better than I like it when I use the stuff that costs $25 per bottle.
Here’s what I did:
In a regular saucepan, pour 3 cups cold water and 3/4 cup of flax seeds. Turn the stove to high heat, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat when mixture begins to boil; continue “cooking”, stirring constantly, until proper consistency is attained. (Note: I think this is where I go wrong. I haven’t decided what the proper consistency is. More on that in a sec.) Remove from heat and dump the whole mess into a strainer over a large bowl (preferably a bowl with a spout, like this melamine bowl from Williams-Sonoma).
**Here is where my consistency problems come in. I’ve read a ton of recipes for flax seed gel and people vary on how long they think you should cook the seeds (some say to cook as long as 10 minutes, some say less), how to strain them (some just dump them in a fine mesh strainer, some put them in a tea ball for the whole cooking process, and some stick them in the foot of some pantyhose and squeeze the gel out that way), and how thick it should be altogether. It seems to me that personal preference is a major factor here. I ended up going with a recipe where the resulting gel is supposed to be of similar consistency to egg whites, and while that seems to work fine, it kind of grossed me out (I kept imagining that I was putting egg whites in my hair, plus it was really the same consistency, so some of it slipped out of my hand and onto my floor with a gross “plop” sound) and I still have some frizz going on (although not as much as with the $25 gel). I might try to make it a bit thicker next time around and see what happens, but the trick is going to be not letting it get too thick because then it won’t strain.
Anyway – after straining, I added a pinch of citric acid, several drops of essential oils for scent (sweet orange + peppermint = nice), an a squirt or two of 98% aloe vera gel (not sure why other than that most recipes for this stuff say to do so). And then I poured it all into an empty and washed-out shampoo bottle, using a tiny funnel, which I have no idea how or why I own.
If I could locate my camera battery recharger-thing, I would take a picture and show you, but alas, I cannot.
And that, my friends, is that.
I once accidentally sent a blast email to my entire honours class in undergrad that read “Prof X is a schmuck.”
And it was under a classmate’s name.
I had to ‘fess up.
I kind of wonder if you’re sabotaging yourself. You know you don’t like the job, you know you don’t want to be there, you’ve mentally moved on… I mean, I don’t know, I’m no Freud. But at the very least you’ve slipped to the level of carelessness thanks to your apathy toward your job, you know?
Making your own beauty products can be fun. I’ve made lip balm with beeswax, olive oil, and lavender. Fantastic! I also have a recipe somewhere on how to make your own soap. You can scent it with essential oils, put lavender flowers in it, anything you want. It’s an Amish recipe, and I love it. There’s a shop in Ashland where they sell these artisan hand-made soaps, and they’re really beautiful, with real flowers and even slices of fruit in them, and they’re cut like a loaf of bread so they fruit/flowers are visible in cross-section. They’re almost too pretty to get them wet!
Wait. You make your own hair gel? That is… wow. That is hair dedication. Call me impressed.
Hang in there, lady. We’ve all had those “oh shit” moments.
Your own hair gel….
Thanks
Jason Berkes
Do you get unemployment if you get fired? If so, eff it and punch your boss in the wiener.
I applaud your domesticity in making your own hair gel but if you start making your own paper I am gonna have to send you to Year 2009 Rehab.
I once forwarded an e-mail from my boss (through his secretary) about ‘everyone should work harder’ to a co-worker with a comment along the lines of “why don’t they just fire the slackers”
Except I hit ‘reply”
Luckily I have a good relationship with the boss…and his secretary who was the first person to see it.
mrc
Foot-in-mouth: been there. In high school English class, they temporarily switched us around to a different teacher to learn an aspect of English more in-depth. I chose creative writing and got a teacher who had a speech impediment. I hated the class, and the way the guy talked drove me crazy. One day after class I was walking down the hall with a friend, and I was imitating him, only to find he was walking right behind us. I think I shrank three feet that day.
Poor RRW!
I’m going to be chuckling to myself all day about the “weiner” comment!
Good luck getting fired!
You’re my favorite. I says: time for a new job. And while you’re at it, find me one w/ you
Also? Jess (my friend Jess) said she emailed you w/ interest to a curly hair party. I think in light of the fact that you’re now making your own hair gel, we should totally do it.
I’m pretty sure if I tried that recipe for hair gel, it would look like that Halloween I dressed as a rock star and had Tina Turner hair.
I had no idea you could make hair gel. You might be my new idol. That is pretty awesome.
I made shampoo recently! The results were not nearly as successful, however. The home-made lip balm and shower gel seem fine, though! (I wish you lived closer! You would have been invited to the “Shampoo Slumber Party” my friends had!)
Awesome idea for the hair gel! FYI, though, the reason it reminds you of egg whites is because flax seed and water actually IS a common vegan egg substitute.
Tina Turner will always be a legend in music history.”~-
Tina Turner offers a great vocal range and such powerful voice”:`