I bet you guys are expecting my list of this year’s resolutions, huh? Well, I’m still formulating the list – but I will tell you that one thing on it this year is to (a) cook at home more and (b) expirement with new recipes more. It seems like Rob and I make the same few dishes over and over again, which makes us less than enthused about staying home for dinner, as you might imagine. SO, this will be The Year of Cooking. I got an early start by making a chicken & rice dish from this cookbook on New Year’s Eve (before the party we attended, which had lots of yummy food that made me wish I hadn’t cooked and eaten beforehand) and chili on New Year’s Day (made without a recipe, sort of from memory of my mom’s recipe and sort of just plain winging it). I’ll post recipes later.
Happy New Year, by the way!
So, I haven’t written much about this because my friend (er, maybe former maybe not friend?) asked me not to, and while I still won’t discuss the details, it’s peripheral to my point today. Wow, that doesn’t make sense at all, does it? Anyway. A person that I have, for years, considered one of my closest friends has decided that I have been a crappy friend to her over the last few months. Hurt and upset, she first gave me the silent treatment and then we exchanged a series of emails (I know – never a good idea) that resulted in me also feeling hurt and upset, and, well, at this point I’m not sure where we stand.
I mention all of this because the odd thing about this is that, although I still maintain that I’ve been a damn good friend to her and I don’t know what this friend wanted that I didn’t do or why she doesn’t understand my perspective on the matter, this whole situation has made me realize that I haven’t been a good friend at all to a lot of my other long-term friends.
My friends, they are like little anchors all over the country (and a couple outside the country). And I’m afraid I have been taking them for granted – simply “figuring” that they are there, and taking comfort in the idea that they are out there. Sure, I email here and there and a lot of them read my blog, but when is the last time I really sat down and had a long chat with them? I hate that I can’t remember.
Is it because I moved away? In some cases, yes – but I’ve been a neglectful jerk to a lot of my friends for a lot longer than just the time that I’ve lived in Philly.
Is it because I moved in with a boy? In some cases, yes. I’m not sure why, but I think so.
Is it because email is just so damn easy that I forget it’s hard to REALLy have a conversation using that method? Probably so.
Or – is it because I’m self absorbed and, well, a jackass? Ahaaaa. Folks, I think we have a winner.
So, over the next week or so, I will be making phone calls in the evenings after work. Lots of them. I will apologize for taking my friends for granted, and I will tell my friends that I hope they know how important they are to me. And I will make “don’t take good friends for granted” one of my priority resolutions for 2008.
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I’m sorry about your friend! I went through that earlier this year, and we’ve patched things up, but I still feel a bit fragile about it at times. Hope you work through it and things get better, or you just move on and work on being a better friend to everyone else.
And hey, if you were truly self-absorbed and a jackass, you wouldn’t have friends all over the world! So take note of them, and have fun catching up to them all.
Now this is a resoliution I can get behind. And I find it very hard to believe you are a jackass.
Ugh, I hate friend drama. Especially long-distance friend drama. I hope everything works out, and I also find it hard to believe that you’re a jackass.
sometimes I forget that just because I blog about stuff that happens, it’s not the same as actually telling people about it. But still, friendship is a two way street, and it’s especially hard when you are not near said friends.
Gah. I’m going through some stupid friend stuff too and it’s no way to start a new year. I think you’re probably being harder on yourself than necessary, but it is a good idea to phone people up every once in a while. You can start with me!
As a self-absorbed jackass with an aversion to really long telephone conversations about nothing and a knack for taking my friends for granted, I was strangely relieved to read your post. I just stumbled onto your blog but I suspect that you’re not at all a jackass, but a caring friend who takes friendship seriously. Oh crap, my phone is ringing …
I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend who, no matter how much time passes between when we talk or see each other, we always pick right up and get along amazingly. I’ve definitely taken that for granted, though, and tested the limits for how long a lapse can still work. Case in point? She had a BABY recently, and I didn’t even know she was pregnant! Woah.
Good luck and have fun with your reconnections!
It will be a gesture that I’m sure your friends will appreciate. I would!
I have been thinking about friendship lately,too. I’m a little bit older than you and my take on it is that the farther (further?) away you get from high school or college or a job (or wherever you first met the friend), the harder it is to keep the friendship going. It really gets difficult when you live far apart and when you both are busy living your own lives. Anyhow, I’ve made new friends in my new town!
Great resolution! If I actually knew you, I’d be grateful.
It is hard to maintain friendships when busy lives get in the way. Kudos to you for trying to do something about it!
I think that’s a great resolution. I’m terribly guilty of neglecting people. I agree with Noelle’s point of view on it.
and, I can’t even begin to think of you being a jackass.
it’s just, i don’t like talking on the telephone. maybe sending a handwritten note in the mail would do? nothing says you care than shelling out $3-4 for a card and another 30-something cents for postage.
but that’s just how i think:)
Email sucks you into the false sense of reality that MORE is better than quantity. I could email people all day but really sitting down and talking to them means so much more.
Ahh, technology.
Well I think you’re a very GOOD friend for making this resolution! Best of luck.
I’m kind of a jackass sometimes, but my friends don’t seem to mind. I’m a jackass about holiday gifts and cards. I get them from everyone I know, but I hardly ever send them anything. And they know this, and yet they still send me stuff. And I really appreciate their cards – I keep most of them – it’s just that I’m terrible that way. I get too busy to think about it. (I’m guiltily looking at my many Christmas cards from all over, still on my desk…)
You know, I was just thinking the very same thing…that I need to call up my very good friends more often before they are barely friends at all.
Also, this includes calling you over so we could do dinner. El Rey Sol has opened up as a NEW MEXICAN restaurant! We’ll have to try it.
I think I need to make this resolution in 2008, too. It’s really hard not to take your friends for granted!
seems to me, the phone rings both ways. unless these friends of yours have been leaving messages that you don’t return, then i don’t see why you feel like a jackass.
usually we over think these things and feel bad and then the other person is thinking the exact same things about themselves.
still though, it is nice to catch up even if we sometimes go through phases when we don’t have too much in common with our friends.
Hi again. Reading your older posts now . . . anyway, I had to break-up with one of my best girfriends when I moved in with my boy. She didn’t think I was spending enough time with her, and that fact of the matter was that I was spending considerably less time with her, but that’s because I had a boyfriend, which is kind of normal. I think I develop these super-duper close girl relationships, and maybe I selfishly substitute them for having a boyfriend. That’s my worst friend habit.
Also, I hate talking on the phone for unknown reasons. It’s like a medical mystery. Unfortunately, I’ve lost a lot of good friends because of my lack of phone commitment.
Long story short . . . I totally hear you on this one.
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[...] I don’t know about you guys, but I am spending a lot of time and effort on maintaining a positive attitude these days. With these short, gray winter days, it’s easy to get the gloomies. Today, they came on (again) after I (again) was reminded of my friendship that went down the tubes. [...]