Red Red Whine

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Through the wonder that is Neil at Citizen of the Month’s Great Interview Experiment, I had the pleasure of interviewing The Boy, Will.  I wanted to “do it right”, so I started reading his posts chronologically, starting with September of 2003 and working my way up to the present.  Now, y’all know I haven’t been doing as much blog-reading as of late due to the fact that I am very busy and important a slacker, and because I wanted to post this interview in a timely-ish manner, I eventually decided to bop around and read posts from random months.  In that time, though, I found that this is a blog I like.  Should I find myself in L.A., I wouldn’t argue if Will and his lovely wife (who, incidentally, has a delightful blog herself and may possibly have inspired me to try a Post-Apocalyptic Workout of my own) wanted to sit down for a beer an some in-person debauchery.

With no further ado, I present to you my interview with Will.

Lara:  How did you meet the Slackmistress?  Was there any one thing she said or did that made you decide/realize you wanted to marry her?

Will:  For those reading this that have never been to my blog, The Slackmistress is my wife Nina and we met essentially through blogging but I discovered hers randomly.  One day I was looking at a friend of a friend’s Flickr photos and I saw a comment from someone named Slackmistress and the name caught my attention and so I clicked over.  I noticed three things (1) she was beautiful (2) she was single and (3) she lived nearby so I clicked on the link to her blog and left a comment.  I then waited for her to click on the link to my blog but if she did, I couldn’t tell.  She did acknowledge the comment but that was it.  No problem, I didn’t want to seem creepy so I read up a little and then sent her an email, just a friendly “Hi I like your blog”…she never replied.  I let it go but I read her blog still and with every day I read, I was becoming more and more impressed.  Anyway, weeks pass and I was still thinking how nice it would be to meet this girl so I decided to email her again, this time she responds, this turns to chatting online and finally meeting up in person but first she said “This is in no way a date, I totally like this other dude” and I knew it wasn’t a date but I still wanted to meet her.  In person she was everything I hoped she’d be but it was not a date.  She made it clear that it was not and I understood, but I liked her and I told her “I’m going to continue to have a crush on you…just in case you change your mind” and I left it at that.  We continued to talk daily but I never pressed the issue.  Finally a few weeks afterwards she suggested that “We have a practice date” to see what it would be like, we got engaged six weeks later and married in May 2007.

Lara:  Damn, that is a cute story.  (Okay, fine, I didn’t really say that, as I sent all my questions at once without much commentary afterwards, but that is what I was thinking.)  Anyway, what made you decide to move to L.A.?  If you could live anywhere in the world, money/career/and proximity to friends notwithstanding, where would you live?

Will:  I moved to LA in 1999 because of another girl.  I started dating someone after college but we split up and she moved away.  Being a 24 year old boy at the time I took it very hard and got in touch with her after she moved.  The calls began happening regularly and soon enough I came out to visit her where it was decided that we weren’t done yet.  I moved, we lived together for about a year and a half before calling it quits for good in late 2000.  No regrets, I love it here.

Lara:  (More comments I didn’t make: for readers, check out this post.  It’s one of my favorites that I read during my get-to-know-Will time, and I just confirmed with him that it does indeed reference the relationship that brought him to L.A.)  Anyway.  It sounds like you had a really…interesting…childhood.  Do you think your childhood experiences contribute to your feeling that you don’t necessarily feel the need to have your own children?  If so, in what way?

Will:  I feel like I’ve taken care of enough children already and I’m not really interested in doing it again.  People are surprised to hear me say no kids because I know all of the childcare moves already, but I’m not really into it.  I love kids and if my wife wanted one I’d consider it, but she doesn’t.  The problem with kids is that you have to do everything for them; it’s like haveing a tiny retarded person in the house.  Also, if you mess up with any part of the kid-raising, you get blamed for everything that goes wrong with that kid forever.  Who needs that kind of pressure?  When I was 9 my mother said…”you know how to cook eggs, I’m done here.  Anything from this day forward is your own fault.”  I think more parents should consider this option; why spend your golden years being resented?

Lara:  If you were to start your own band, what would you name it?

Will:  I’m already part of  afake band called the Tree Brains that was started by Steve of thesneeze.com, I play the fake Theremin.  If I were to start my own band – real or imagined – I’d probably call it something obscure and pretentious like The Colonel Mandrakes, after one of Peter Sellers’s roles in Dr. Strangelove, or something silly like the Baconfuckers bcause saying Baconfuckers puts a smile on my face.  Say it and see for yourself.

Lara:  Baconfuckers.  I am smiling now.  Who are you pulling for in the 2008 election and why?

Will:  I’m an independent but I’m pulling for Obama at this point and will continue unless they amend the constitution to allow Bill Clinton to run again.  I understand a lot of people don’t like Bill Clinton and I guess I understand, I mean, who wants personal freedoms, a robust economy and respect for the sovereignty of other nations?  Nobody.  Still, I’d vote for him, I dont’ care who he’s having sex with as long as we get out of Iraq and my 401K goes up.  I know that with Hillary I’d get him as part of the deal but I just think she’s too polarizing to win.

Lara:  Yeah, I’m not big on personal freedoms, either.  What doy ou think is your biggest accomplishment/what are you most proud of?

Will:  Good question.  I’m proud of the fact that I married a hottie.  You know you asked earlier how I knew she was th eone and I didn’t answer it because there is no one moment, it was every moment after we met.  When people asked why we were marryin gso fast, all I could say was, “I just know.”  I’m proud of the fact that I didn’t screw it up.

Lara:  Oh my God, someone should write a light-hearted romantic comedy about you two.  [Another note to readers:  check this out.  It's the post that convinced Nina to give Will a chance.  Now commence to swooning.] [PS, Rob (my husband), if you are reading this, do not fear - you make me swoon on a daily basis, yourself.]  Are there any aspects of yourself or your personality that you are ashamed of?  (Here’s an example of what I mean: several years ago, I was at a bar with my sister.  We ended up carrying on a conversation with a guy who was funny and cute…except his right hand was deformed.  When I went to the restroom, he got my phone number from my sister and called me the next day to ask me out, but I simply couldn’t get over his deformed hand and therefore never went out with him.  To this day, I feel guilty about my shallowness.  But hey, this is an interview about YOU, not me.  I should add “my self-centeredness” to my list of things to be ashamed of.)

Will:  Wow, you should be ashamed, unless he was like lobster boy.  Then it’s ok because carny folks are pretty weird.  He was probably just going to rob you.  As for me, I have so many flaws to choose from but if I have to narrow it down, I’ll say that my worst trait is that I can’t eat if there’s a midget in the room.  Normally, this isn’t a problem but I once knew a midget, she wasn’t just hot for a midget either I mean regular hot.  Anyway, we got to talking and she said…”We should go see a movie” and I thought “I hope she eats before the movie because I’m not taking her out for dinner afterwards”.  I’m a nice guy, unless you’re 4 feet tall or less.

Lara:  Ha!  When is the last time you cried, and what did you cry over?  Just getting teary can count as crying.

Will:  Some might say I cried at the end of the movie Babe but I say it was allergies.

Lara:  Aww.  What’s your favorite vegetarian meal?  (If it’s something you cook at home, will you share the recipe?)  As a meat-eater myself, I can’t fathom going veggie (especially since I only like a handful of vegetables) – and I read in one of your past posts that you basically started being a vegetarian as a joke.  What keeps you vegetarian?  Is the Slackmistress vegetarian as well?  Do you get tired of people asking you about your vegetarianism?  Do you miss any particular meat item?  (hamburger?  Pork tenderloin?  Chicken burritos?  Shrimp?)

Will:  Wait, I’m not a vegetarian.  I was but it was a joke that got out of hand and lasted for a decade.  WAS a vegetarian…not anymore.   I’m eating bacon right now.  The best part of eating meat again by the way is that my family knows I’m not gay.

Lara:  Hmm.  You mentioned in one of your posts that you have been asked to leave public establishments for bad behavior.  Will you elaborate on that for me?

Will:  Usually for drunkenness and all that goes along with it and the other times were for getting in fights and once for throwing something at the stage.  These were not my proudest moments and would have made my shame list if not for the midget thing.  I’m older and less stupid now.

Lara:  Oh, see, I don’t think any of those things are that shameful, anyway.  I could swear that I’ve been kicked out of a bar for drunkenness, too, but I can’t remember.  Then again, such is the nature of drunkenness.  Is there a time in your life that you would consider your roughest era?

Will:  Right around the time I turned 30 I was a mess, I was sick, depressed, broke, and otehrwise a wreck.  The worst part was that I didn’t realize it at the time, but if you look at my blog archives I clearly am having some hard times.  It wasn’t until a lot of tmie had passed and I felt better and was able to see the mistakes I had made and recognize where I could have done better.  I like to think that I came out of that period a better person.

Lara:  I cannot believe I am asking this question.  Feel free to pass, as it is very nosy and personal.  As someone who was exposed to porn at a time well before waxing was en vogue, do you have a preference on the, er, hairiness of women?  E.g., Brazilian wax?  Or “retro sexy”?

Will:  That’s like asking what kind of boobs a guy likes best.  When it comes to the…you know…you brought it up…guys are just happy to see it and I’m no exception.  My wife can do whatever she wants down there, it’s not like I’m going to send it back.

Lara:  Good point!  What are your top five favorites of the concerts you’ve attended?

Will:  Wow, tough one…so many to choose from.  While some shows have taken on greater significance over time, there’s no replacing that in the moment feeling when you see something that just kills.  That for me is the reason I go to see live music, not to hear my favorite songs but to be moved in a way that you can’t always be moved on record.  So, in chronological order:

Bob Dylan and Patti Smith at the Beacon Theater, NY in 1995
Andre Williams and The Blues Explosion – Tramps, NY 1996
The Cramps at the Roseland Ballroom, NY 1998
The Magnetic Fields at The El Rey, Los Angeles 2000
The Hold Steady at the Knitting Factory, Los Angeles 2005

There are dozens of other great shows but if I could pick five to do over those would be my first choices.

Lara:  I noticed that you aren’t concerned with political correctness despite the fact that you have a brother with Asperger’s Syndrome.  This is really interesting to me, because I grew up with a guy whose sister had some sort of disability (I’m not sure I ever knew what it was, specifically) and he used to get very offended when people called each other “retards”.  How do you feel that your experience with a “special needs” sibling has shaped your life?  Do you get annoyed with terms like “special needs”?  Also, excuse my ignorance, but is Asperger’s even considered a disability?

Will:  My grandma called them mongoloids so, if anything, retard is a step in the right direction.  I don’t mean any harm by the term.  I’ve worked with and helped the learning disabled in the past, so I’m actually quite sensitive to how people with special needs are treated.  I found that it’s not uncommon for people who work with the learning disabled to use terms like “retard”; I guess it helps to take the edge off an otherwise difficult situation.  It’s hard to see someone that has emotions and feelings like everyone else but be unable to express them or even fully understand them.  I posted a story once of being asked out by a girl who was severely learning disabled and while the story is funny, I hope that you can tell that I really cared about the girl’s feelings and I tried to make sure she wasn’t hurt.

Also, Asperger’s is a form of autism but one that can be managed.  My brother does pretty well and in almost every respect is just like you and me.

Lara:  Ahh, grandmas.  Mine likes to talk to me about how “the foreigners” are “taking over” Atlanta.  What’s your favorite:  (a) board game?  (b) alcoholic beverage?  (c) non-alcoholic beverage?  (d) breakfast food?  (e) thing to do on a rainy day?  (f) outfit?  (g) color?  (h) song?  (i) thing about your wife?  (j) place to go on a long weekend trip?  (k) place to go aon a week- or two-week vacation?  (l) book?  (m) Halloween costume from your childhood?  (n) TV show?  (o) Thing about L.A.?

Will: I’m answering these word association-style, like I’m on Password.  (a) Trivial Pursuit.  (b) Whiskey.  (c) Coffee.  (d) Bacon.  (e) Sleep.  (f) Straight guys don’t wear outfits.  (g) I’m color blind.  (h) Tipitina by Professor Longhair.  (i) She’s the smartest person I know and she’s endlessly patient when it comes to me.  (j) back to New York.  (k) I’d like to leave the country someday, I never have.  (l) Nineteen Eighty Four.  (m) Daryl Strawberry.  (n) Get a Life or Mystery Science Theater.  (o) warm weather.

Lara:  You say you’d want to go out of the country since you’ve never been. If you had to choose one country to visit, which would it be?

Will:  I’m something of a world war history nerd so my travels would probably start in Germany.

Lara:  I noticed you call your dog The Wonder Dog, which made me smile because I call mine the same thing!  What’s your favorite thing about being a dog-owner, and what is your least favorite?  Is Daisy your first dog?  Where did you get her, and what made you choose her over other dogs?

Will:  Daisy the Wonder dog was Nina’s dog first, she found her very pregnant at the Riverside Animal Shelter and gave her a home as well as a name. While she is not my first dog, she is the best dog. 

Lara:   Well, you’ve never met Chester, but I suppose everyone thinks his or her own dog is the best anyway.  Can you think of any specific person who has influenced your life or who continues to influence the choices you make?

Will:  It sounds silly but my great grandmother was a huge influence on my life. She taught me a lot about the value of hard work and treating people with kindness. She was something of a force of nature in her day and I miss her greatly. Here’s a story about her to give you an idea of what she was like.

Lara:  I almost teared up reading that story.  I totally would have broken down and sobbed upon finding the pizzelles.  What an amazing woman!  Wow, it seems callous to go back to the interview now, but…please describe the most recent time that you embarrassed yourself.

Will:  Does my blog count? I think I manage to embarrass myself daily there.  If you’re looking for a specific incident I frequently embarrass myself in front of my wife by showing my ignorance.  Sometimes I’ll ask her a question and she’ll make up a ridiculous answer that I always believe for example we had this conversation not too long ago:

Me- “They just got home; they were at a briss and then a basketball game”
Slack – “A Briss, did they catch the foreskin?”
Me – “………….do they throw it”
Slack – “Yes, it’s good luck”
Me – “Really”
Slack – (now Laughing at me uncontrollably) “No”

She does that to me once a week and I always fall for it.

Lara:  Awesome.  I think I am a big fan of your wife.  And now, for the final question!  If you had to choose to eat one food every day for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

Will:   I believe in the cookie diet, where you have cookies for every meal, despite the tremendous weight gain, I could eat cookies all day, every day.

Lara: Awesome. I adore the cookie diet as well, although I would need some ice cream thrown in there, too.

THE END.  Now, head over to Be the Boy and read all of Will’s posts so you can get to know him even better!  And read all the rest of the interviews from the project (for a list of the completed interviews, go here).  And if you just want to skip to the interview of the most fascinating person on the list (Hi, I am very modest), you can read Joe’s interview of yours truly here.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at 2:30 pm and is filed under Miscellany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.